Fool's Paradise

Chapter Sixteen

On the last evening, in the main hall, the end of term dance did not excite The Dudes like it normally did. Considering the circumstances, it was hardly surprising. “I won’t be coming back next term.” These were first words that Kaye had spoken all evening. The Dudes was incredulous. “But why? You’re not going to get expelled. Everything’s over,” César said.
“No, it’s not, at least for me it’s not…and Imelda’s family.”
“What about us?” Theo wanted to know.
“You’ll always be my friends. That isn’t going to change, but I can’t continue to be here.”
“Surely, you don’t blame yourself for what happened to Imelda?” said Danston.
“Yes, I do. If I hadn’t slept with her, she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant and she’d still be alive today.” Laura squeezed Kaye’s hand, “What you say is true, but its happened. Beating yourself over it won’t make it better. Believe me I know. With time, you will learn to forgive yourself like I did.”

Across the room, Juliana watched The Dudes. She walked towards them and they tensed when they noticed her approach, bracing themselves for a confrontation. She raised her hands in a gesture of peace. “Look, I won’t pretend that I’m not angry, but I wanted to assure you all that you have nothing to fear from me. Kaye, I see now that you were not directly responsible for Imelda’s death, but as irrational as it may seem, it will take me a while to forgive you.”
“It will take a while to forgive myself,” Kaye said. He then turned and walked away.
Suzanne caught up with him at the door. “Kaye, I’m sorry.” Puzzled, Kaye asked why. “For what you must be going through.” Kaye smiled for the first time, it was an ironic smile, “You truly amaze me; I should be the one apologising for betraying your trust.”
“Maybe I’m a fool, but all I know is that I still love you and if you ever need me for anything, I’ll be there.” Kaye was shaking his head in wonderment, “The funny thing is that I know you mean it. A word of advice though, forget about me, you deserve someone better.”
“Like I said, I’m a fool…a fool for you. You will remember that because I won’t let you forget.” Kaye watched her walk away and he too turned and walked away, out the door.
Laura, who had followed Suzanne, squeeze her shoulder, “With time, Suzanne, he will learn to forgive himself as I am learning to do.” Suzanne smiled at Laura and said, “They say that life is a battlefield. This is just one more battle to be won.”

James Adonnes tried to enjoy himself but things were not the same without Anthony there to bug him. Why did the boy have to go and have himself expelled? James felt that he should have been more insistent about Anthony changing his life style. First, he had been willing to go along with Anthony’s foibles and when he put his own life on track, he had been willing to accept Anthony's idiosyncrasies. What a friend he’d turned out to be, James thought to himself even when he knew at the back of his mind that one could only do and say so much to someone.

Kamal approached Cassandra who was standing with Maureen in a corner. Maureen moved away. Cassandra couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “César had a talk with me the other day. What he had to say made a lot of sense but I wish that it had come from you.”
“I guess I was too much of a coward.”
“So, where do we go from here?”
“You tell me.”
“To be honest, I’m not sure. Maybe we need some time apart. I’m not sure I’m ready for something as intense as what we’ve had. We’re too young to be dealing with issues that we both find overwhelming.” Kamal turned and walked away. Maureen came and put her arms around her crying friend. “Why do I feel so sad even if I agree with him?”
“You’ve experienced something beautiful and even if you’re both too young to deal with it and realised that it overwhelmed you, you’re still reluctant to let go.”
Cassandra pulled away from Maureen and looked at her incredulously, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Wow, you’re singing a different song. What happened to the ‘devil may care’ Maureen that I used to know?”
“She learnt some hard lessons from you’re experience and Imelda’s death. Life isn’t always what it seems and shouldn’t be taken for granted.”
“Yeah, I hear you…We’re young, we’ll make it if we keep learning from life’s lessons.” Maureen burst into laughter, “We sound like a couple of wizened spinsters who’ve realised that we’re going to die old maids!” Cassandra chuckled along with her, “Trust you to come up with something like that.”

The term ended on a sour note for The Dudes. Alex was berating himself for being too hard on Imelda. “Maybe, if I’d given in to her she would still be alive.”
“You know, that’s exactly what Suzanne said, but like I told her, you did what you thought you needed to do,” said César, “If anything, I’m the one who didn’t do what I needed to do.”
“What do you mean?” Danston wanted to know, “You sorted out your issues with Laura. In fact, you’re a living example of turning one’s life around.”
“I agree with Danston,” Theo added, “And you’ve always had time for all of us. As a matter of fact, although you guys along the way pointed out in your own way that the universe did not revolve around me, it was you César, who drove it home. You did what you could for Kaye.”
“Maybe it wasn’t enough,” César muttered. Danston put a hand on César’s shoulder, “No, we’re all responsible for our own actions. To tell you the truth, I think this is a lesson for all of us. The recklessness of youth no longer has a place in my life. Imelda’s death has had a sobering effect on me. I have been living in a fool’s paradise.” The others nodded their agreement.

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